I am in love with a murderer
He says he killed for love
It should chill me, and it does
But I cannot give up my happiness
He is my happiness
He is tall, thin and hard
He is honey on his tongue, his voice
He move likes the grass itself
Without effort, gracefully
He never has to do much
Just appear in front of me
Silent
Diffident
All of him reaches me
Like the mystery of wind
When he smiles, occasionally
I dissolve
Like a sugar being thrown into boiling water
He is so overwhelming
When he is not in the sight of me
It hurts and itches me inside likes a healing wound
So I go find things to hold me
Smoking the cigarette he left on the desk
With his favored gesture
Wearing his sweat-soaked shirt
With his dirty tie
And when everything fails me
I just go hide and cry and cry
Until he finds me
And he always can find me
I crazy about him
He can do things with my body
Other men sense and hate
He likes pulling me down in the dark
With a lost boy’s smile
He will lean toward me
Touch my lips with his
Then in that very moment
My heart burns to ashes in his mouth
My body stings with the sweetness of it
There is a voice screaming hard inside, but
All the sound dies out
In the most excruciating never-ending kiss
Only his eyes remind me
He is still a murderer of love
They are the phosphorescent blue of wolves
And I am the prey he is pursuing
Soon to be his next victim
But I could not care less
He is my universe
My brain
My breath
My every heartbeat
Even just for one more second
I wish he could love me
Just for that second
He is kind to me
But he has not yet said he loves me
I think his heart is breaking
I can offer no cure
Only to aggravate the whole self-destruction
Each act is a drowning man’s gasp for air
His mouth is pumping of mine, for breath
When he sleeps, he shudders
The way a child shudders and twitches
While dreaming a nightmare
He looks like sixteen
So young, so harmless
But already he is dying
So pallid, so spiritless
I can see the dark stain at the center of him
And the beauty fanning out from the center
I am in love with a murderer
Soon to be his next victim
He could not help but doing it
I know and I ask for no relief
No sympathy
No nothing
When the day comes
I could just step aside
I have always loved life
Whenever I could stand aside
So when the day comes
I could stand thirty yards away
From him, the murderer of my love
I will be floating above like a new balloon
My world is safe then
And I will tie myself to him
Following him
Watching him
Being in his daydream
Being in his nightmare
I must be sick then, but
I cannot give up my happiness
He was-he is- my happiness
I am in love with a murderer
Soon to be his next victim
But I could not care less
What will come, would come
Even the next second is the last second
I would rather kiss it goodbye
On his lips
