大學，曾是多少莘莘學子夢中的樂園，又留給即將畢業的孩紙們多少一輩子的回憶。大學，此情可待成追憶，只是當時已惘然……
1. College is the best time of your life. When else are your parents going to spend several thousand dollars a year just for you to go to a strange town and get drunk every night?
大學是你一生中最美好的時光。什麼時候你的父母還會一年花幾千塊供你去一個陌生的地方天天晚上喝醉。
2. Of course there's a lot of knowledge in universities: the freshmen bring a little in; the seniors don't take much away, so knowledge sort of accumulates。
大學當然是個有很多知識的地方：大一的帶進來一些，大四的帶不走多少，知識便積累起來了。
3. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep。
教授就是別人都睡了他還在講話的人。
4. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools。
只要有考試，學校裏就會有禱告者。
5. The things taught in colleges are not an education, but the means to an education。
大學裏學得不是知識，而是學習知識的方法。
6. Never get married in college：it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake。
千萬不要在大學結婚：一旦你未來的僱主發現你已經犯下一個錯誤，你就很難起步了。
7. Education is not preparation for life, education is life itself。
學習不是為生活做準備，學習就是生活的全部。
8. The university brings out all abilities, including incapability。
大學能培養人的各種能力，包括無能。
9. The chief value in going to college is that it's the only way to learn it really doesn't matter。
上大學的主要價值是：只有上了才知道真的不值啊。
10. 80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read。
期末考試中80%的內容都來自你翹掉的那節課和你漏讀的那本書。
11. To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the C students, I say you too may one day be president of the United States."
那些取得好成績的同學，做的好！那些得C的同學，有一天你們會成為美國總統。
