育兒階段 絕對不能做的三件事
<p style="line-height: 190%; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="line-height: 190%; font-family: '新細明體','serif'; color: rgb(65, 65, 65);">【內容摘自《你的孩子再這樣下去就糟了！》，作者諸富祥彥／譯者葉韋利，新手父母出版】</span></font></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan" class="MsoNormal"><br><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"></span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #0074ad; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">檢查孩子的郵件、書包是禁忌！</span></b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">前面討論了適用在任何育兒階段中「絕對不能做的三件事」。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">我來整理歸納一下：</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 細明體; COLOR: #414141; mso-bidi-font-family: 細明體; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">①</span></b><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">不可以看心情育兒。孩子情緒不穩定的時候，父母也要站穩立場。最重要的就是父母心情穩定。</span></b></font><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"><br></span></b><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 細明體; COLOR: #414141; mso-bidi-font-family: 細明體; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">②</span></b><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">不要過度對孩子說些負面的言語，像是「為什麼你會這樣？」「你真的很笨耶。」這類話。</span></b></font><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"><br></span></b><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 細明體; COLOR: #414141; mso-bidi-font-family: 細明體; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">③</span></b><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">不要拿兄弟姐妹或朋友來比較，貶低孩子。</span></b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">就是以上三項。只要能遵守這三項原則，育兒雖然只能「聽天由命」，卻還可以「事在人為」。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">怎麼樣？稍微放心了嗎？</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">此外，在孩子青春期時，絕對不要檢查孩子的抽屜，或是偷看孩子的筆記本，也不可以偷窺孩子手機或電腦裡的簡訊、郵件。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">青春期的孩子總讓人捉摸不定，父母也擔心有沒有受到同儕欺負，因此總讓爸媽忍不住想偷窺，但這是一大禁忌，因為這很可能導致孩子對父母的信任蕩然無存。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">面對青春期的孩子，父母該採取的態度就是「守護」</span></b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">，但檢查信件或孩子的書包正好違背了這個原則，而且無論多努力不被拆穿，最後大多還是會露餡。孩子對於「父母窺探自己隱私」的舉動非常敏感，當他們在對父母抱持強烈的不信任感之後，要修復親子關係就越來越難。有不少案例就是在父母檢查子女信件後，而造成親子關係決裂，導致孩子出現順手牽羊等不良行徑，或從此不想上學，在家中自我封閉。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">身為父母，的確會很擔心自己的孩子是不是受到霸凌。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">但如果因為這樣而檢查孩子的信件或書包，即便孩子真的受到同儕欺負，也會為了不想讓父母擔心而更刻意隱瞞事實。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">重點不在於監視，而要守護。</span></b><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">先建構起在孩子受到欺凌時能大喊：「媽媽救我！」這樣的關係，才是最重要的。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">以男孩子來說，進入青春期後，大都會在床底下藏些</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US">A</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">書，也會在房間裡自慰。聽說很多母親都對這樣的事情非常在意，但我建議各位要耐住性子，睜一隻眼閉一隻眼。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">尤其是「男生自慰」這一點。有不少媽媽會動不動就跑到孩子的房間觀察，甚至還有母親會直接質問：「喂！你是不是在打手槍？」絕對不要這樣做。男生會希望父母在這件事上別太多干涉！</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">即使孩子上些奇怪的網站，若不太嚴重，也當作沒看見就行了。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt" lang="EN-US"> <o:p></o:p></span></font></p>
<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; MARGIN: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-pagination: widow-orphan; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto" class="MsoNormal"><font size="3"><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: '新細明體','serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-ascii-font-family: Arial; mso-hansi-font-family: Arial; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt">目前網路上，的確輕而易舉就能看到很多過於刺激的內容，在某種程度上也需要父母從旁管理。但話說回來，如果真的擔心，也不需要一一檢查，例如可以設下未成年的上網防護，或是和電信業者簽訂合約，過濾未成年不宜的網站。這和規範孩子使用手機的道理相同。</span><span style="LINE-HEIGHT: 190%; FONT-FAMILY: 'Arial','sans-serif'; COLOR: #414141; mso-font-kerning: 0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: 新細明體; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt"> <span lang="EN-US"><o:p></o:p></span></span></font></p>